Our first New Year's -- 2007
Guess what? I was proposed to... twice. By the same man, of course.
About 2 days ago, I almost wrote this on my blog: "World is whirling and I am not being the strong one...."
Take a seat again (another long one). I got some news a couple of days ago that made me glad I was sitting. So as some of you may know, my fiance is getting his masters and would be graduating this May. Our wedding is also this May and our plan was such: Ale moves to TX early to plan for wedding --> Jose graduates in Atlanta --> Comes to TX a week before wedding --> Ale & Jose get married --> Ale & Jose leave for Spain --> Ale & Jose return and move to Arizona or stay in TX depending on the job Jose takes.
SLAM THOSE BRAKES! Here's the irony. Jose was beginning to struggle with his thesis and would turn to me for encouragement and support. We talked about his struggle with sometimes giving up control to God and truly, truly trusting in him. About a week ago, Jose had a very difficult moment when he realized he was not going to be finishing his thesis. At the time, I felt really horrible for him -- but had no idea how this would directly affect me. I prayed for him, and I even spoke to him that this was God's way of saying "Well, if you have a hard time letting me drive, I'm strapping you to that passenger seat and making you trust me. You are just in for the ride and watch me drive us down this bumpy road that will lead you into something beautiful." Trust, baby... just trust.
Two days ago, I found out HOW this would affect me. After speaking with his academic advisors and his thesis advisor, Jose had two options. I won't bore you with the details, but the main idea is that there was no option for Jose -- he HAS to turn in his thesis. This means that he would have to enroll in SUMMER SCHOOL. Now you know how I am in the picture. In case you don't, let me tell you the part of the story that made me burst into tears. We would have to get married, hold off the honeymoon, return to Atlanta, Jose would finish school and I would wait. The thing is, I had planned to leave my job around April so I could have May to plan for the wedding, plus we were leaving for Spain for (hopefully) 3 weeks. The problem is that I have to ask my job now to let me take off for a month for the wedding because I CAN NOT plan this from Atlanta!!! If they don't let me take off for a month, I have to quit. I have to because I literally cannot plan the wedding from Atlanta and only leave the week before. I need to be in Texas for at least 2-3 weeks beforehand. Which then leaves me in a spot of -- what happens after we get married? Jose might be getting a job in Arizona so I have to hold off looking for employment for 3 months. But I can't live in Atlanta because Jose is still a student and couldn't technically "support" us, nor I if I don't have a job. But can you imagine us getting married and then separating, living in two different cities (if I move to TX w/my family until Jose is out) for our first 3 months as newlyweds?!?! Me married and living with.. my mom!!! Though only temporary... still not ideal.
The tears came from the stress of planning the wedding, the change of plans, the uncertainty, and of course the sadness of putting off the honeymoon. I couldn't finish the conversation because I knew I had nothing positive to say. When we got off the phone, I thought about my own words and how salty they were in my own mouth. "... You are just in for the ride and watch me drive us down this bumpy road that will lead you into something beautiful." I DON'T WANT to miss the honeymoon! I don't want the bumpy roads! Ha! Who is missing being in control?? Yeah folks, this bad driver. I was so mad because our summer and our plans were in the air. Our honeymoon was really out of the question and I hated the feeling. Jose let me take a full day without talking about it. Unfortunately, this only made me sad and tonight I mustered up the courage to face it. Plus, while I tried to ignore it.. it's all I could think about when I was with Jose.
When we spoke about the options, I had to face the reality that Jose would most likely have to stay in Atlanta. Period. I have to say this was God's action here... because every fiber inside of me wanted to say and feel "this isn't fair" ... yet I was able to set that aside to understand how bad Jose felt. I mean, he felt so guilty that he "caused" this sudden change/hold in our plans. I knew, of course, this was not something HE caused but a challenge God presented to us. Mind you, while this sounds very mature of me to say, I was definitely very selfish the first time Jose broke the news. I cried, threw a fit, and sulked. But something about tonight allowed me to set aside those selfish emotions. Plus, I began to calmly realize that this was not as serious as it felt when I first heard the news. Granted, this is still miserable for Jose to get married and STILL be working on this thesis he is dying to finish. But, honestly, we only have to wait about 3 months for our plans to go back to normal! I also have a strong feeling my job might actually approve of me leaving for one month. Let's hope so, because if they don't -- I will seriously have to be living away from Jose our first few months :( Unless of course we move in together and I find a temporary job for the summer to "get us by" until he graduates.
When I asked Jose if we could take a week off after the wedding he said "of course!" To which I said "Can we go somewhere close?" And he said "Baby, we can go anywhere in the U.S. you'd like." YAY!!! I think I want us to go back to Savannah because it will allow us to maximize the week off. How great is THAT?! I get to have 2 honeymoons!!! So I slipped my ring off and said "You have to propose to me again."
3 attempts by Jose to propose and some that I rejected:
1) During a conversation about owning a set of clothes, he interrupted and said "Speaking of owning, I would love to own you for-" STOP RIGHT THERE. That's what I said. I told him just because I said yes the first time didn't cut him slack for the second proposal.
2) Second attempt: Somehow the topic of "captain" came up, and he tried in a particularly sloppy manner to run his hand through my hair and say something to the effect of "I'll be your captain if--" NO!!! We laughed..
Third time: We were in my room and he was on my bed while I was standing up beside it yapping about something. I looked down and my ring was suddenly on the bed. The funny thing is that I stopped in mid-sentence and I gasped and said "Hey! That's my ring!" And he smiled and said "It is..." and he stretched his arms out for a hug. So I dove in for a hug and curled my feet around his (I guess more like my feet around his ankles because he is a freak GIANT!), and he held up the ring and said to me "This use to belong to someone very special. She meant everything to me. She asked me to give it to someone who was better than her."
This might make you roll your eyes, but when he said that -- I took it to another level! It symbolized to me that I AM a different person. That I AM better than who I was because I trusted God in this situation and he helped me to NOT put myself first. So of course, like the first time, I said yes :)
I'm sorry if any of this made you throw up a little, but well... it can't be as bad as when I choked at the Cuban restaurant last night. No seriously, talk about scaring the woman who asked "More water?" Me: "Ye--CHOKE!! COUGH COUGH!!" I inhaled a TINY piece of meat that almost made me throw up my delicious dinner and the woman who asked me for more water, instead of making sure I was okay, got so freaked out that she RAN AWAY! I played mind games with my brain "PLEASE, just let this ONE little piece of meat go down my wind pipe. Come on! Just one!" Nope. I was a choking mess.
Anyway, who knows what will happen this summer. But guess what is still happening in May? Our wedding.